All right, time to get real. I abandoned this blog again, and I’m sorry. It’s like the overwhelming guilt gets to be too much, and I simply jump ship. And it’s completely ridiculous, because: let’s talk about how much I cooked and baked this summer. It was ridiculous. I baked my best friend’s graduation cake. I made dessert every time my parents entertained. I thought endlessly about teaching myself to make macarons (it hasn’t happened yet, alas). I helped in my parents’ garden, and I ran until I was hungry (and then ran some more). No one can tell you that I didn’t cook and photograph my way through the summer.
But it’s been a summer of transition. I graduated college in May, and while I was so proud of my accomplishments in college, so relieved to have a break from intense schoolwork, I also felt my heart break when I left the family I’d created there. The six of us are some of the most idiosyncratic, dysfunctional people (especially when we’re around each other!), but I truly feel safe and loved with them. It is impossibly hard to learn to let that go. We are all over the place for at least the next year, if not for the rest of our lives, and while some of us are handling that better than others, I can safely say that, while I might handle it well on the outside, I’m pretty wrecked about it. It’s like having an open wound, watching it slowly heal and scab over, knowing that you are leaving something, maybe even growing out of something that was cherished, and loved, and that you devoted yourself to. It’s watching a part of your life close you out, knowing you might never get to open that door again. It sounds dramatic, and maybe I’m being overly so, but I also can’t tell you how upsetting that has been at times for me this summer.
But there have been other, very good things about this summer. I knew that I had a job for this summer, and I knew that I had a job for the coming year. I decided to put grad school on hold for a year while I figured out not only what I wanted and where I wanted to go, but if I was ready to head into more reading and more papers (and this is from a girl who is passionate about learning and school; even I was tired after this year). I am proud to tell you that I accepted an internship in Australia with the School for Field Studies, the same organization with whom I studied abroad in 2011. I am terrified and tremendously excited about this next step. It’s hard to believe that a whole summer has gone by, and that I’m packing for another major adventure (an adventure for which I’m virtually certain I’m overpacked…sigh). But when this blog again takes another dramatic shift, you’ll understand. There will hopefully be posts about the Australian rainforest, adventures on the Great Barrier Reef, and maybe (hopefully!) a concert in Cairns.
I hope you’re all ready for the ride of a lifetime in the next year – it’s certainly going to be crazy!